With the spooky season intact, it’s time to dive into the most terrifying and haunted St. Pete High experience: a trip to the bathroom. Oh! The horror: the desire to take a leak knowing the consequences. In its entirety, St. Pete High is a great school. There’s a lot of history, great clubs, and a friendly environment. But one thing that, unarguably, needs improvement is the school bathrooms. Limited space, exceptionally dirty, sinks occasionally working (almost never) — and to be honest, that’s just the beginning. Functional bathrooms are a necessity in every building. It’s not a luxury, just the bare minimum. Many students agree that going to the bathroom feels almost like a near death experience. IB Sophomore Vivian Do says that “if the whole bathroom smells or looks vile,” she’ll just hold it in. Vile is a very accurate description for the school bathrooms. But again, this is just the beginning. So sit back, relax, and be prepared to witness the terror of the “St. Pete High School Bathroom Experience.”
It’s a beautiful morning. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, you hang out with your friends in the school courtyard. The morning bell is about to ring, and you need to use the bathroom before class starts. What could possibly go wrong? It’s 7:23 a.m., so you hustle to the nearest bathroom. Mrs. Zubek’s math class is your first period, so you go to the bathrooms next to her classroom. The second you enter, your mood shifts drastically. “What kind of Howl-O-Scream scare zone did I just walk into?” you ask yourself. You’re absolutely disgusted, terrified, and you wonder if the janitors did their job. Of course they did! All of a sudden, you step on a mysterious substance. It’s gooey, slimy, and irks you to your core. How could something this ghastly occur so early in the morning? Who could have done this? What have you done to deserve this? Out of pure shock, your inner germaphobe arises, and you immediately go wash your hands. But the faucet, oh no! It’s tweaking! As the water pressure lowers, your blood pressure rises. That’s when you decide to leave, your business can wait, your class cannot. Throughout the entirety of first period, you are traumatized by your experience. “I can’t hold this in all day,” you think to yourself, “there must be another bathroom that is decent enough to be used.”
It’s now lunchtime, and you can’t wait any longer. At this point, you’ll use any bathroom in any condition (or will you?) Your fifth period is Mrs. Vinci, so you use the bathroom near her classroom. The floor creaks, and eerie laughter fills the air. As you walk in, raspberry scented smoke wafts in your face! Then vanilla! Then strawberry! What’s supposed to be a delightful aroma of flavors turns out to be your next disturbing encounter. You suddenly become surrounded by zombies taking up your space. All the stalls and sinks are unavailable, in use by the zombie apocalypse. The one stall that is available is unfathomably grotesque, and yet again, you find you’re still in the battle between your bladder and the school bathrooms. When will it end? Why is it so difficult to use the restroom at this school?? It feels like an attack against humanity!!
By the end of the day, you’re over it. You go to the restroom, praying that it is tolerable. You remember you need to change for soccer practice, so you want to use the handicapped stall. As you walk into the bathroom, you find that the zombies have taken over your desired stall and you settle for a regular stall. More and more zombies take over, and all you want is peace and quiet. As you close the door, you notice there’s no backpack hook. The nerves come back tenfold. Before you know it, you have shy bladder syndrome. Your heart is racing, your body is shaking, and you’ve never felt more claustrophobic. Nothing is going your way. Everything is out of your control. Petrified of the judgmental zombies, you change into your soccer clothes and hope to make it out alive.
Soccer practice went well, and you finally had a chance to use the bathroom. You’ve never felt more grateful. But you can’t help but question, “will it be like this every day?”
The short answer is yes. While this story is fictional, these are actual experiences on campus. (Ok, maybe not the zombie apocalypse, but the rest is fair game.) Vaping students, faulty sinks and soap dispensers, minimal space, chewed gum everywhere- the list goes on. Hopefully, one day, our school will prioritize bathroom maintenance. IB Sophomore Caitlin Williams says that “the quality of the bathrooms affects how often she uses them.” Moreover, IB Sophomore Laine Petagna believes that the bathrooms are “outdated and gross” and that the school needs to modernize them. Until then, students can do better. Let’s play our part in making our bathrooms a better place. Or else, they may remain haunted forever.
